


what the fuck, ross

by JkWriter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Crack Treated Seriously, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, vine references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 22:42:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20235568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JkWriter/pseuds/JkWriter
Summary: it was harley's idea. peter thought it was pretty terrible but then again it just might work.aka peter stops the civil war with vine





	what the fuck, ross

Peter was perfectly happy with his weird, mismatched family. He loved his dad and his pseudo-mom. He loved his Aunt in Queens he visits every weekend as well as the one living down the hall. He loved his many, many Uncles and all their weird quirks and gimmicks. He loved his friends, Ned and even Michelle who still likes to pretend she doesn’t care. He loved the brother his dad found in Tennessee that stuck around long after they first met. 

  
What he doesn’t love, is the constant yelling. 

_ “The accords are meant to control us. They’re meant to hold us accountable. They’re going to strip away our freedom,”  _ Peter mocked. On the other end of the call Harley was having the time of his life laughing at Peter’s misfortune. “It’s not funny! They’ve been arguing about them for days and I’m dying.” 

“Peter, my dude, this is pretty hilarious.” 

“I don’t see how the future of enhanced individuals can be hilarious but go off I guess.” 

“Because they’re never going to sign them, not like they are now. I mean come on, you’re enhanced, do you really think Tony’s going to just sign away your future?” 

“I don’t know! Maybe? He’s been weird ever since that MIT presentation. Mom’s still not talking to him and now he’s going off about “being held accountable” for whatever damages the Avengers cause but like, they’re already held accountable. Mom’s been talking to Sokovian leaders about funding repairs since the Ultron Incident happened.” 

“Okay, so he feels a little guilty. That doesn’t mean he’s about to sell out to the government.” 

“Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t. The fighting is still killing me.” 

“Dude, the Avengers love you. Just go in there and start like, fucking with them or something and I’m sure they’ll stop.” 

“What do you mean “start fucking with them”?” 

“Quote vines, have Friday play Never Gonna Give You Up or something, man I don’t know, you’re supposed to be the internet one out of the two of us.” 

“Ugh, you’re no help. I’m just gonna go watch my family fall apart.” 

“‘K, send me updates.” 

Peter ended the call. He really wished Harley was taking this more seriously. He had said so himself, Peter was an enhanced individual and the accords were going to strip away any and all freedoms he had. His phone buzzed. 

_ Dude, it’s gonna be fine. Go sit in on the meeting and listen to what they’re saying. You’re smart and could have some meaningful input.  _

He frowned because Harley was right. Peter had read the accords and even had Friday highlight concerning phrases and rewrite them into something more humane but there were still problems he didn’t even know where to begin to address. One hundred and seventeen countries had signed the accords. One hundred and seventeen countries were fine with taking away basic human rights because someone was different. It really shouldn’t have surprised him but Peter always saw the best in people and thought that maybe the world was changing. 

“Friday, which meeting room is everyone currently in?” 

“The Avengers are currently meeting with Secretary Ross and associates in Meeting Room Rogers. Should I alert them of your impending arrival?” 

“No, I don’t want to bring anymore attention to myself than necessary. Can you just send our edited accords to my tablet?” 

“Of course.” 

Peter grabbed his tablet on his way out of the room. The living quarters were empty, his mom off in Malibu and everyone else stuck in the meeting. Peter slipped into the room quietly, not like it was hard to while his dad and Steve were currently going at it over the accords, and took a seat against the wall. He looked over at Rhodey’s screen and opened the accords to their current position, an overwhelming page six. Peter groaned and let his head fall back against the wall. Dad and Steve weren’t even arguing about the content of the page, they were going off about New York and Sokovia and the damages they caused and who’s responsible. 

_ Start like, fucking with them or something I’m sure they’ll stop.  _

No. 

Nope. 

He was not going to start to fucking with the Avengers while in a meeting with the Secretary of State. It wasn’t going to happen. That had to be the worst idea Harley’s ever had. 

_ But it would work, _ a voice that sounded suspiciously like his brother taunted and Peter hated that it was right. 

Okay. He could do this. 

“Uh, dad?” They continued arguing. “Dad could I please get a waffle.” Peter hates himself. He took a deep breath. “EXCUSE ME DAD CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE.” 

Everyone’s attention was finally on him, including Mr. Secretary of being a dick himself. “Stark, why is there a child in our meeting?”

“Great question, Pete, what are you doing here?” 

“Well, I wanted something to eat but we’re out of fre sha voca dos,” Ned would not believe this. Peter cannot believe this. Was Wanda smirking? She was definitely smirking. “and Chili’s is closed on Wednesday’s, ergo, waffles.” 

Ross’ eyes narrowed in on Peter. “This is not a meeting in which a child’s presence is necessary. Stark, have your son removed.” 

“Kid, you heard the man, time to go.” 

“Sorry, I don’t speak French.”

His dad shrugged. “Well, sounds like he’s not leaving. Just ignore him, he’s a good kid.” 

Apparently good enough for everyone to go right back into arguing.  _ Accountability. Freedoms.  _ Peter wanted to scream. Instead he dropped his tablet, looked Sam straight in the eye and said “fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this.” 

“Excuse me? What the hell did I do?” 

“Hey, Wilson, watch your language around my damn child.” 

“You say and proceed to curse in the same sentence. Jesus Christ, Tony-” 

“Sam.” 

“Look, Steve, the kid started it.” 

“Why the fuck you lying? Why you always lying?” 

“Stark, control your kid.” 

“What do you want him to do? Strip away my civil rights? Oh, wait, that’s what the accords are supposed to do.” 

_ “Stark.  _ I am not asking. _ ” _

“That’s because you don’t ask, you just do. Dad, if I may?” 

“Let the kid speak. He’s smart, might have some valuable input.” 

“Thank you, fatherly figure. Friday, send everyone my annotated copy of the accords and skip ahead to article 12 section b which details court proceedings for enhanced individuals. All I have to say is this ain’t it chief.” 

Natasha was the first one to speak. “Did you read through the entirety of the accords?” 

“Yup.” 

“And annotate them?” 

“Hella.” 

Tony stood up. “Obviously we still need to read through the accords ourselves, especially if my fourteen-year-old son has done it. Ross, why not try bothering us again in say, a week? And maybe we’ll have something more than six pages to go off of.” 

“One week. Read them, sign them. The UN isn’t about to wait because you’re son,” Peter waved at Ross. “has decided he knows better than the world’s governments.” 

“Yeah, whatever, Friday, please direct Ross and his associates out of the building.” 

“Yes, boss.” 

Ah, Michelle would love to sketch the current look on Ross’ face. Peter would have to look through the footage and send it to her. He smiled at Ross all the way until he was out of sight, then he finally looked back at his family.

“Alright, kid, when did you have time to do all this?” 

“Do what?” he said, fluttering his eyelashes towards his dad. The whole “innocent” routine doesn’t work as well as it had when he was little. 

“Read and annotate the accords.” 

“Oh, Friday and I did that last night. I figured none of you would so someone had to be prepared. Anyways, I’m going to go make a sandwich. Feel free to read through my notes, they’re pretty great if you ask me, bye!”

Peter jumped up and flew out of the room before anyone could stop him, not like they would. Natasha and Steve were too busy thinking about another Stark who learned something impossible because no one else would while the others were just in awe of Peter’s energy. 

“I thought he wanted waffles.” 

**Author's Note:**

> this was a terrible idea but i did it anyways and imma keep doing it until i run out of ideas 
> 
> heres the [discord](https://discord.gg/Pwah8sR), its 99% me talking to myself its a great time


End file.
